Thanks to Tinder, an entirely word has entered our zeitgeist: “swipe culture”. One-night stands used to be for the promiscuous and the adventurous (and the traveling nomads). The side-effects of a fast-paced lifestyle, career-based priorities and city-living. “Swipe culture” however, is more about preferences and efficiency than experiences.
“Swipe culture” connotes the tendency of users on dating apps like Tinder to simply bypass the individuals that don’t suit their fancy while swiping the opposite direction to learn more. It’s like speed dating — if speed dating required absolutely no words and existed in the palm of your hand.
More broadly, it’s a commentary about the millennial generation’s attitude towards intimacy: as something fleeting and ephemeral. The common cry is, “Well, how are you going to find love if you keep swiping right?”
Yet, those who want to engage in hookup culture are not choosing partners to have sex with so they can fall in love. They’re enjoying the option of having one-night stands precisely because they want to embrace the moment in their lives where they can engage in hookup culture.
In other words, they’re choosing swipe culture and it doesn’t bode ill for the future of intimacy. At the centre of hookups are two major preoccupations: expediency and hot sex. One-night-stands definitely promise hot sex. But half-night stands promise both. Here are 7 reasons why half-night stands are making their way into our bedrooms.
Half night stands are essentially about being able to enjoy some hot sex with strangers whom you want to paw but not necessarily either ever see again or be friends with. So, the first rule is that you don’t see this person more than once or have sex with them multiple times.
Otherwise, they stand the risk of becoming your fuck buddy. Or the all-confusing no-man’s land, “friends with benefits”.(Okay, JT & Mila Kunis were great but who was believing Natalie Portman and Ashton Kutcher as a couple?). With a half-night stand, one of the two of you takes off post-coital (probably the one who’s apartment it isn’t) but in the middle of the night or “halfway”.
It's not rude, it’s just expected.
The rules of the game change in a half-night stand. Both parties know exactly what this is: a one-night stand that ends as soon as you both get some. And this can, instead of blurring the lines, keep it very well toed.
Which leads us to our next point: blurred lines may have worked well for Robin Thicke but for you, the everyday Casanova — (who’s the female version of Casanova? anyone? Bueller?) — blurred lines means you never know where you stand and if you’re going to get yours.
Half-night stands are so useful in this sense. Besides the acknowledgement that you both know you’re in it only for sex and nothing else, you both also come armed with the expectation (some would say, a requirement) of being sexually satisfied.
Hey, you RSVPed to the party, right? So you had better come. Oftentimes, women can (ad will) use the half-night stand as a delicate commentary on their partner’s lacklustre performance. They’re well within their rights to simply stop and leave.
For men, there’s no need to sugarcoat it or play pretend and make nice the next morning. Half-night stands allow both parties to get in and out, as efficiently as they would on business, while still gunning for pleasure.
With half-night stands, it doesn’t even matter if you’re a great conversationalist. Because you're not going to wake up together or spend the night, there needs to be literally nothing more than sexual chemistry.
Some see this as a low bar. Others, who understand the use of a half-night stand, embrace it like the opportunity it truly is: to have really hot sex with strangers (but be safe, kids!) at a point in life where you can.
“Compatibility” in half-night stands comes down to a purely physical and sheerly carnal connection: can you read my body and can you take direction well enough to make me come?
These are the definitions of compatibility during a half-night stand.
One of the best parts about the half-night stand (and why so many one-night stands have unwittingly turned into half-night stands) is the fact that you can skip the walk of shame entirely. It usually happens when everyone else is either asleep, getting theirs or have headed home early.
Your walk of shame is usually a cab ride or a train ride (if you’re done early enough) and, at the end of it, you get to sleep in your own bed. Not only do men and women enjoy not having to show up with the 7 am crowd in their party dresses so obviously from last night, they miss the judgmental stares and enjoy the privacy and comfort of their own shower and bed. The perks of a half-night stand cannot be denied.
This arrangement works especially well when waking up in your own bed means early mornings in to work or morning commitments that require you to be well-rested rather than hurried and disorganized.
If you’re engaged in a half-night stand, the implications are clear: not only are we both here for sex, we’re both here to get some. There’s something about the time-cap on a half-night stand that makes it just as much about the act as it is about the efficiency of it.
It’s not as though you’re both going to rush through having sex and skip the foreplay. Rather, half night stands encourage you to focus on what’s important and cut out what’s not. IN this case, foreplay, especially when it leads to an orgasm, is encouraged and should be an activity leading to the main course that both parties are, well, party to.
The part we get “cut out”, then, is the cuddling afterward, which many regard as a point of courtesy or just plain extraneous. It’s not convenient and, depending on your view of things, entirely inessential to the actual reason you’re both there: the really hot sex with a stranger.
Despite the fact that you’re probably never going to see this person again, half-night stands are also a litmus test for lovemaking. During a half-night stand, a woman can usually tell when her partner is going to be a generous or good lover and what constitutes a sloppy or selfish one.
Many women will allow the act to proceed as long as it is pleasurable. Because there is two-party consent and both know exotically what they’re there for, it comes as no surprise when one partner, seeing the promise flag, cuts his or her losses and leaves for the evening.
It might be a bit stinging for the other person but it’s more than just a quid pro quo: if a lover is just plain bad in bed, you can leave. Which is something you definitely can’t do during a one-night stand.
With half-night stands, the act of sex is clearly defined and split apart from it’s post-coital cuddling and falling asleep. While there are still few one-night stands that turn into “more”, the chances are shot to hell when it’s a half-night stands.
The point is that love has it’s own sphere and sex maintains its own boundaries. Intimacy is usually an artifact of sex with emotions. And while pleasure and sensual feeling can certainly enter the equation with half-night stands, emotions are less likely to be a part of it.
Let’s be honest here: no one (okay, very few people) are going to either want to see the other person in broad daylight ever again or want to continually hook up with this person.
One-night stands give you more time for consideration but half-night stands wipe out any possibility of extending the hookup any further. And this is actually, despite what the relationship “gurus” say, a good thing. There is an awareness here that half-night stands are definitely not he place you go when you’re looking for a relationship.
It would be as ridiculous as going to a buffet and expecting to eat nothing. Half-night stands don’t leave either person under the illusion of “what it could be” or “what it could mean”.
It’s infused with the idea that this is an opportunity you might not be able to partake in forever. So make hay while the sunshines, have sex while it’s dark outside and leave while the sun is still asleep.